This is a series of stories about the drama and trauma of my pet fish. As a new fish owner, I began to write down all of my failures and successes. These experiences quickly became pieces of flash fiction told from the fish’s point of view that I posted on Facebook. As the stories became longer, I realized Facebook was not the right medium for them, and they have now found a home on this blog. The stories are told as written accounts from newspapers, journals, letters, and police reports. As you, hopefully, enjoy these embellished stories, keep in mind that the authorities and doctors are not fish.
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The Bubbly Review Is Closing
It’s been a year since Beetlejuice and Madame Geoffrey passed, and the authorities have not added to the Mansion’s population of one: Silent Hermit Tiki. They’ve talked about it. They’ve scoped out fish stores that only sell cichlids. They’ve talked some more and continue to put it off. Some think this is for the best,…
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The Good Madame Finally Gets Freedom
It’s been a month since Beetlejuice left the watery sometimes-but-usually-not haven. Madame Geoffrey enjoyed full reign of the tank for a week while authorities cleaned up the hospital. “I don’t know why they waited until I’m old, half-blind, and sick to let me enjoy a large tank,” she told us when we asked how…
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The Nightmare Before Halloween
Authorities decided Beetlejuice was more miserable than Madame Geoffery and should be medicated first. Plus, he’d started to float sideways. The authorities couldn’t decide which promising antibiotic to use, so they did both separately, proving they’ve learned at least a little throughout the years. Beetlejuice hadn’t been in the med tank for years, which led…
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Weird Behavior
Beetlejuice’s aggression toward Madame Geoffrey has intensified. However, authorities are no longer certain it’s because the two have a deep-seated animosity for the other. Beetlejuice’s race across the tank and slamming into the wall has started to look absurd. It begins as an undignified dance that consists of wriggling about and itching on the rocks…
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Feeding the Blind
M. Geoffrey has been eating less. At first, it looked like she’d finally learned moderation in her elder years. However, the amount of food raining around her and the viciousness with which she gulped down the food only in front of her was very unlike her style of eating—very ungluttonous of her (the lack of…
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Thumps in the Night
Beetlejuice’s new hobby wakes authorities up late at night, and they’re cranky. Their crankiness might be due to them not figuring out what was making the noise for a few weeks. It also might be because they didn’t know where the noises were coming from, and it freaked them out. When things go bump in…
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The Wall
Authorities are tired of all the fish tanks in their living room. The new 75-gallon tank was bought to fix this problem, but what to do about Geoffery and Beetlejuice? They can’t possibly be put in the same tank, right? The authorities wouldn’t be that stupid…right? Right?! But the plan is, in fact, to add…
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Obituaries 2020
Pineapple Upside-down Cake (PUC), previously known as Ivan the Terrible, joined his beloved Sweettart in the watery above and beyond in the great spiritual sea—just two months after her death. He complained about not feeling well and shoved his too-large body into a small hole Brain/Einstein couldn’t fit into. Brain/Einstein patrolled the area with a…
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Algae Eater Cliff Notes
Milktoast outgrew the tank—not a surprise since feeding fish makes them grow. Instead of buying a new tank, authorities found Milktoast a new home. They regretted this almost immediately as they tried to replace her with dwarf plecos who wouldn’t outgrow a tank. The story goes like this: One, brown algae friend who was…
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New Home, New Look, New Quirks
The new deluxe mansion is ready for residents. The, as promised, seventy-five gallon tank is properly cycled, the usual rectangular shape with new décor, including decorative paper on the backside, and has a secure dividing wall. Moving day for the watery neighborhood happened yesterday. Madame Geoffrey will not be moving in until she’s finished with…
Written In Ink 