Ninja Smee and Beetlejuice’s minnows have figured out how to jump out of the breeder net. Obviously, Smee bestowed the art of escaping high walls and confined places to her prodigy. She must be so proud. Others, a.k.a authorities, are not. Babies are starting to disappear. Sixteen littles were tucked in safe and sound in the net last night, but only eleven greeted the sun this morning.

“To say that we are surprised would be misleading,” an authority told us. “However, we did think that we wouldn’t have to worry about them escaping until they were bigger.”

Inspector Fish Net is on the case to either find the five missing children or figure out who ate them.

—The Bubbly Review

Seven fish lived through the Great Death, and with all the new living space, everyone expected tranquility to descend upon the waters. Authorities were so sure that all would be calm that they renovated the place: the prison was removed; the plants were arranged differently to create prime real estate of nooks and crannies; a bio stone was added so that the suffocation tragedy will never occur again; and new food was introduced. They even sent The Bubbly Review construction plans for a spa telling us that all the services would be free to residents. In short, they were trying to make the best of things in the aftermath of a dreadful situation.

As the authorities prepared to break gravel for the spa, they noticed some concerning behavior. Beetlejuice decided to make the middle of the tank his home, this was supposed to be the location for the spa, but authorities acquiesced the space without complaint. They felt that there was no reason to cause dissent; after all, up until now Beetlejuice lived at the top of the tank where there are no plants, and it was good to see him adjusting well. However, he is not allowing anyone near his home, which is a problem considering it is the largest spot in the tank without décor, making it the main thoroughfare. He spends most of his days nipping at Ninja Smee and Madame Geoffrey’s fins and chasing them until he can’t see them anymore.

The rest of them are no better. Madame Geoffrey and Ninja Smee no longer get along (we’re not sure they ever did, but if they did….). If Madame Geoffrey sees Ninja Smee, she goes after her with her teeth. This usually has them swimming into Beetlejuice’s home. Brain’s (we mean Einstein’s) dislike for PUC and Sweettart has grown. Sweettart spends most of her time in the dragon’s mouth where Brain can’t get her. In defense of his mate, PUC whaps Brain in the face as often as he can. Milktoast’s fight for her food has worsened as Madame Geoffrey has found that she prefers algae tablets to all other food.    

In other words, the neighborhood has become a savage place. Frustrated, the authorities scrapped the plans for the spa and remade the prison.  

—The Bubbly Review

The toxicity of the tank built up to uncontrollable levels on Tuesday. While the residents gasped and rose to the top to try to breathe (despite the filters working), authorities scrambled to find the problem. When residents could no longer keep to the top to get air, officers swooped them up in a net to support them. After an hour of trying, authorities finally accepted that the populace of the tank was the problem, and the only fix would be to buy another fish tank—something they could not do. They cried as half the tank passed away. Goodbye: Chummy, Ezekiel, Bardarbunga, Bonnie, Wilt, and Pinky. 

We will miss them all.

Beetlejuice, Ninja Smee, Madame Geofrey, Einstein, PUC, Sweettart, and Milktoast have recovered from their illness and redistributed themselves among the plants and décor. We tried to get a statement from the remaining fish, but all refused to comment.

Authorities hope the prison will no longer be needed considering all the room the residents now have.  

Obituaries

Bardarbunga and Bonnie: Our sweet bumblebee cichlid couple never made it into the Bubbly Review pages because all they did was swim zombie-like while trouble unfolded around them. 

Chummy: Our not-always-friendly ruby peacock, who got a tattoo during his last few days in prison and was doing his best to change his ways.

Ezekiel: Our friendly peacock, who didn’t mind talking to the Bubbly Review or jumping out of the tank when extremely hungry. During his last month, he befriended Wilt by moving into the leaf of the red plant that the late Sir Witherspoon inhabited.

Wilt: Our shy compressed cichlid. The authorities used him to detect serious problems, like a canary in a cold mine. When the water became dirty, or the heater was unplugged, it was Wilt’s droop that alerted the authorities to a problem. May he find his friend Sir Witherspoon in the great ocean beyond where there’s enough room for all and no bullies.

Pinky: Our little, mighty fairy tail cichlid, beloved companion of Brain (ahem, we mean Einstein) and accomplished boxer.

—The Bubbly Review