It took a while, but The Bubbly Review’s sources were able to find another file illuminating the last sad days of the old residents of As The Water Swirls. Here’s the latest information:

Case number: 30098

Date: 9 October 2012—19 October 2012

Reporting Officers: Inspector Seaweed and Inspector Fishnet

Case: As The Water Swirls Serial Murders

I’ve been on a stakeout for three weeks, and until today, no suspicious activity has occurred. Three divas moved into the watery, sometimes, haven. Three beta divas, to be exact. Within the first 30 minutes, I saw one beta bite the nose of a meddlesome cherry barb, who is twice her size, and thought it would be fun to nip at her. He is now staying away. Also, I see that I am already going to have to add tail repair to the tank, as two of the divas decided a tail-smacking and teeth-grabbing showdown needed to occur. This continued until the net broke them up. Now they are content to warily watch each other.

I’ve observed the watery-sometimes-haven for four weeks now, and other than the day the three divas moved in, it has been quiet. Well, as quiet as a society can be with three betas. The Diva sisters happily swim together cordially, like most sisters do, as long as their rooms stay undisturbed by the others and their curling irons are not tampered with. However, the male Cherry Barbs have become increasingly more aggressive, irritating the whole tank and the Authoritative Department of Peace. Finally, the ADP had to make a decision, send the Barbs to the Flushing Chair or find them a new home. In the name of fishanity and trying to avoid more murder, the latter option was chosen. The boys now find themselves in a 7.5-gallon tank together, where they seem to have reconciled their differences.

Inspector Fishnet

—The Bubbly Review

Last night Pinky and the Brain moved in next to Ivan the Terrible. This morning it appears that the three are cordial neighbors. Authorities have considered gun control and the removal of all weapons of mass destruction. Then they realized that they were just fish, so it should be safe. Shouldn’t it?
Ivan the Terrible asked that he not be addressed with such an injurious title and would like to be known as PUC in the future. Reporters were brave enough to ask the suspected tyrant why he wanted his name changed. His answer shocked all within hearing distance.
“You see that I am the color of pineapple, and I’m sure you’ve noticed that I prefer to eat upside down. I’m also quite fond of fruity cakes. The acronym that describes my defining features, PUC, appeals to me,” he began. “I’m also a fan of the elf sprite, Puck, in Shakespeare’s A Midsummer’s Night Dream. However, I’m not an elf sprite, but a magnificent fish, so to take the name Puck is an absurd idea. PUC gives the illusion of my favorite character in literature while keeping my uniqueness wholly in tack. I insist that I be known as PUC. My application for my name change has been submitted, and I expect its approval immediately.”
With most profound respect, The Bubbly Review will honor Ivan’s request and decision and will refer to him as PUC from now on. We’re concerned about what he’ll do to us if we do not. We will also endeavor not to giggle each time we think about what PUC stands for: Pineapple Upside-down Cake.

–The Bubbly Review

The murdering spree of the last residents of the Water Swirls neighborhood is still being investigated. Despite authorities’ attempts to file these events as cold cases for the rest of eternity, some new stories have come to light. We are committed to bringing you all the news from As The Water Swirls and will report these stories as they come out of the depths. Hopefully, this will get rid of the police station’s Total Failures department. Here’s the latest information:

Case number: 30098
Date: 12 September 2012
Reporting Officers: Inspector Seaweed and Inspector Fishnet
Case: As The Water Swirls Serial Murders

The last time my partner and I visited the captivated habitat, the Golden Rams’ traumatic deaths had just occurred–leaving the peaceful inhabitants of Cherry Barbs and other Tetras with mixed feelings. Yesterday we stopped by for a follow-up with the happy Cherry Barb community of three. The cherry barbs are no longer a happy community. The two male cherries had enjoyed passing the time with the Cherry Geisha for months, but suddenly, spending time with the lovely Geisha was not enough. These once buddies found themselves fighting over the affection of the Geisha, each wanting to mate. As is the Geisha way, their proposals were denied. The boys became enraged with each other and her. She filed a stalking and domestic disturbance report. We tried to reason with the boys, but they continued to punch and bite the Geisha and each other, so we arrested them. After a brief stay in solitary confinement for a short time, we let them go. During their absence, two girl cherries moved in and befriended the Geisha. We hoped that the new girls would not become Geishas. We lingered that evening to see how the boys would interact with the new residence. The boys were delighted and, yet again, denied. We returned today and found that one of the girls has disappeared. We did a thorough search, which was fruitless. The mystery of the lost girl has befuddled my partner and me. We want to believe that this disappearance is unconnected with the murders, but we are doubtful. It’s too coincidental. For now, this case is unsolved.

Inspector Seaweed

—The Bubbly Review

Although the cichlids are a gruff, no-nonsense sort, fifteen of them have agreed to live together in reasonable peace—despite the concerns of the plant neighbors. Unfortunately, one of the neighbors, Brutus, already has a criminal record (the neighbors who live in the tall plant are a bit smug about the situation confirming their initial worry). Despite Brutus’s criminal history, authorities attempted to work with him, but he has been too intent on becoming the neighborhood’s food and space cartel. Instead of letting it get out of control, authorities have put the brute in solitary confinement. He is awaiting transfer to his old neighborhood. Grateful for the authorities’ quick response to the violence, most of the residents seek regular conversation with authorities whenever they happen to be nearby.

–The Bubbly Review

A year after the murder spree, the watery landscape of the so far doomed neighborhood was reconstructed. The architects scrapped everything, including the beautiful black gravel, which was replaced by dazzling white rock. Contractors waited a week before selling the properties to a large community of African cichlids. Some are concerned that the number of residents will overwhelm the available space, but they have been assured that the sixteen cichlids have enough room and, because of their number, will be less violent to one another. We’ll see if that optimism is foolish or not.

—The Bubbly Review

The last resident of the watery neighborhood has unexpectedly passed away. When the murdering spree swept through the residents, the brave, resilient, and solitary Marble survived for another six months. The funeral was this morning. Marble is not survived by any friends or family. The hazmat control team has scheduled the neighborhood for demolition tomorrow.

–The Bubbly Review

After the plea for information, a reward was posted, and no more cardinals disappeared. Instead, police found their corpses at the bottom of the tank. To make this story shorter, we’ll just recap: first, there were 10, then 9, then 8, then 5, and (seriously) then there were four. Finally, there were none.

 One of the rams, Napoleon, tired of the inept authorities, took it upon himself to find the culprit. He was found stuck in a hole. The new community doctor attempted to keep him alive, but he died later that day. His ram friends mourned him—staring into his home with sad, swishing fins. They died shortly after, though whether it was from grief or the mysterious killer trying to cover his tracks, we don’t know.

 Three female bettas joined the neighborhood and lived there peacefully for six months before being murdered in the night. In frustration, the authorities tore the empty neighborhood down until only a hollow glass shell remained. To this day, the killer is still unknown. These horrible crimes cannot be solved now that the neighborhood has been torn down, but the details are on file in the Department of Knowledge in the section The Authorities are Total Failures.

—The Bubbly Review

It all started with the suspicion that Ethereal had contracted hookworm. He was relocated to a smaller home where he was the only resident. It turned out his problem was age, but since he had a hard time breathing in the depths of the neighborhood, his solitary life was permanent until his death. He was not friendly toward the authorities after his move.

Although Ethereal was not sick, the Cardinals were–they’d hidden it well for months. When the authorities noticed that all the cardinals had contracted ick, they medicated immediately. The anxious authorities observed the neighbors, making sure the contagion had been eradicated.

One day a cardinal mysteriously disappeared. The next day a second. Authorities uprooted the neighborhood, trying to find them. After a thorough search, investigators informed the press that it was apparent that the Cardinals were victims of an unknown body snatcher. A reward is being offered for any information on suspicious behavior. So far, silence has reigned.

—The Bubbly Review