The new deluxe mansion is ready for residents. The, as promised, seventy-five gallon tank is properly cycled, the usual rectangular shape with new décor, including decorative paper on the backside, and has a secure dividing wall. Moving day for the watery neighborhood happened yesterday. Madame Geoffrey will not be moving in until she’s finished with a round of medicine that authorities are hoping is ick or something and not the tumor on her fin acting up.
Moving is stressful for everyone, and this one was no exception. No fish likes being put into a net, yanked out of the water, and carried a few feet over to a new watery haven. Beetlejuice had a particularly hard time because he’s big and getting him through the oddly shaped lid opening of the old tank took some maneuvering. Our journalist, Kyle Sand, asked authorities: ‘Why not remove the weird lid and then remove Beetlejuice instead of tossing him about until finding a good angle to yank him out?’ Although we secretly suspect a desire on the authorities’ part to get low-stakes revenge on Beetlejuice for killing Sweettart, the authorities said they didn’t want to have to let Beetlejuice out of the net, remove the lid, and then recatch Beetlejuice. In short, they are either lazy, our suspicion is correct, or both. Beetlejuice says he’s considering suing authorities for emotional damages.
Upon arrival at their new home, Brain/Einstine, PUC, Beetlejuice, and Squirt (PUC’s fry) immediately found homes. Brain/Einstine grabbed a corner, PUC decided on the eyeball in a tree (making authorities nervous that he’ll get stuck because that space is far more appropriate for the size of his son), and Squirt in a hole under Beetlejuice’s large cave. We thought everyone was happy until we saw Beetlejuice, his fins in the obvious “I’m depressed” wilt as he stared at the back wall.
For the last five years, when the residents looked at the back of their tank, they saw a white wall and filter wires. When he moved into the neighborhood, Beetlejuice was only a year old, so decorative paper is a new experience for him.
He’s convinced that the paper is actually the ocean and now spends his time pushing against the glass with all his might.
“If I push hard enough, I know this glass will move. Then I can swim away from everyone.” His left eye twitched. “I can go into the unknown and not ever deal with the authorities again!”
Mr. Sand wanted to suggest that the unknown may not be better than where Beetlejuice is now, but his manic look suggested that silence was the better part of valor in this situation.
—The Bubbly Review
Written In Ink 