After practicing jaw alignment movements with my thumb and forefinger, I prepped the tank for Smee’s procedure by putting Beetlejuice in jail. After removing the partition and catching Smee in the net, I held Smee while I massaged her jaw. I’d hoped that she would open her mouth a tiny bit so I could push her jaw back into place. She did not cooperate, so I changed tactics and placed my fingers on her lips, hoping to get her to bite me, and then I could push her jaw back into place. She refused, so I did a combination of massage and “knocking on her lips.” Finally, her mouth opened and…out popped a baby! I screeched and released Smee. The smart baby swam back into Mom’s mouth.
Confused, I looked from Smee to Beetlejuice.
“But…but you’re supposed to be blue with a big knot on your head! Everyone agrees with that,” I said to Beetlejuice. I may have been yelling because I got the attention of my spouse, who was on the phone with the inlaws, who were, in turn, wondering what the problem was and if they could help from two states away. “And you hate her!” I continued, pointing at the ugly partition. “If you’re going to do that, at least be cordial to her.”
Beetlejuice didn’t even have the decency to look abashed.
Obviously, the cute baby couldn’t continue to live in mom’s mouth. It was already too big to fit in there comfortably. Frustrated, I let King Beetlejuice out of jail and put Smee in before holding her still. Trying to coherence her into opening her mouth again was a lesson in patience. When I was finally successful, a ball of eight babies spewed out. I screeched again and dropped Smee, who successfully stuffed two of the babies back in her mouth, before I caught her up again. I regarded Smee and wondered if I should let her keep the two babies, thus condemning them to die as soon as mom got too hungry or they got too big to fit in her mouth. I knew I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if the two little ones died, so I recaught Smee and massaged her mouth again. By now, she was resigned to the procedure and didn’t thrash, but to say she wasn’t ticked off would be a lie. It took a little longer, but then eight (yes, eight) more babies shot out of her mouth.
“You got any more in there?” I asked, and I could tell by the silent treatment she gave me that I finally had all the babies. I put the partition back and placed Smee on her side. I couldn’t place the breeder tank with her because I wouldn’t be able to feed the babies if I did. I assured her that her babies would be safe. She doesn’t believe me, and secretly, I don’t believe me either.
Dr. Nursey (a.k.a Authority #1 who thought Dr. Nurse Shark was a good pseudonym)
Written In Ink 