Mealtime

Op-ed Article

Is it humane to train fish? I ask myself this often when I watch our watery neighborhood during dinner. Do authorities mean to “train” when they gauge if the response to opening the top of the tank is enthusiastic enough to drop food? They say that it is their way of keeping the tank at its appropriate levels and thus keeping the fish healthy. Still, I wonder if they aren’t a bit sadistic in their approach.

Authorities serve dinner after they close the curtains. This begins a somewhat charming dance that the inhabitants do: swimming up and down and wriggling in a manner that makes their fins flare out, a motion that becomes more rapid as the authorities draw near. The authorities also talk to the fish as they come closer and get out the food. Saying things like, “Are you hungry? What type of dinner would you like tonight? Everyone please let Milktoast eat her tablet. Beetlejuice, Geoffery gets to eat too.” If the fish ignore the curtains and don’t respond to the questions, the authorities assume that no one is hungry and don’t serve dinner.

Geoffery has figured this out; perhaps she is the most trainable. I’d like to say the smartest, but there are things she does that definitely show that is not a descriptor that can be applied to her. When everyone else is doing whatever they are doing and miss the curtain cue, Geoffery is at the top jiving away—opening and closing her mouth while the authorities talk. I have heard the authorities say, “Everyone thank Geoffery for being so enthusiastic to eat.”

(Enthusiastic is the correct word for it. Geoffery shoves so much food in her mouth before the other fish can reach the top that there’s concern that one day she’ll choke).  

When the other residents are told to thank Geoffery that they are getting to eat suggests that the authorities know they are training the fish that if they do not respond correctly, they are denied food. I must point out that dinner is eventually served on the days the inhabitants aren’t attentive during the curtain call, proving the authorities aren’t heartless. There is also the fact that too much uneaten food in the tank will rot and cause diseases like ick. These are good reasons for authorities to ensure that everyone is hungry and will see the food when it is served so that it doesn’t drift down and disappear into gravel. Does that make what they do okay? It is a question to ponder, despite Geoffery’s conduct, which ensures everyone gets fed on time, and indeed, I wonder if she isn’t the cue that the others follow, not the curtain or talking.  

—Observer Joe